In Christian circles, I hear questions about whether we should be courting or dating. The term courting became popularised following Joshua Harris' book I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye, but almost three decades later some Christians are still touting courtship as the only path to marriage despite the negative impact of the purity culture movement.
So what's the difference?
In a nutshell, the difference is that dating is casually getting to know someone you may eventually have a romantic relationship with whereas courting is being romantically involved with someone with the intention of marrying, but how do you know if you want to marry someone before getting to know them through dating?
Add to that the differing understandings on the term, for example, traditionally courting involved the families of each party. The girl's father would have to approve the potential union and any outings would involve a chaperone. Although modern Christian courtship did require the father's approval it was more heavily focused on sexual purity and intentionality ie marriage is the end goal.
Does it matter what we call it?
With the term courting taking on different meanings throughout the ages and each person having their own definition or understanding, it's more important to talk about your expectations or primary goals with your potential significant other.
Never assume anything! Ask questions early on to see if you're on the same page such as:
Are you dating anyone else at the moment?
Are you looking for a casual relationship or marriage?
Do you want children (or more children)?
Some of these things may be more important to some people than to others. It's important to think about what's a deal-breaker for you so you have the opportunity to ask the right questions. Then you're in a better position to know if you should end a relationship before you waste too much time and get your heart invested in a relationship that is ultimately not going to work out.
What if asking questions scares off my date?
If asking questions about your date's relationship goals scares them off, were they really a date worth keeping?
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