Something that alarms me is the plethora of Christian dating rules some church circles have perpetuated and these are keeping singles unnecessarily single!
The girl has to go to the guy's church
I was speaking to a young person recently and she said to me “I don’t want to leave my church, I like my church”. I said, “why would you need to leave your church?” and she replied, “because the girl always has to go to the guy’s church right?”.
I was shocked! I got to thinking about this later and I imagine this idea started with one particular couple. One in which the guy had a particular calling of God on his life and needed a girl who was willing to follow and support him in his calling. But that certainly doesn’t mean that needs to be a blanket rule for everyone!
The guy has to make the first move
The book of Ruth directly contradicts this. Boaz noticed Ruth and made sure she was safe and had plenty of grain to collect, but it took Ruth, at the instruction of her mother-in-law Naomi, to make the first move and it was a bold move! Ruth 3:7-10 NIV says:
“7 When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. 8 In the middle of the night something startled the man; he turned—and there was a woman lying at his feet! 9 “Who are you?” he asked. “I am your servant Ruth,” she said. “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a guardian-redeemer[b] of our family.”10 “The Lord bless you, my daughter,” he replied. “This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor."
If Ruth hadn't made the first move maybe Boaz would never have done what he needed to in order for them to marry!
Don't go online, it's not safe
Other churches insist that singles should not participate in online dating because it isn’t safe, thereby implying that church IS a safe please. This country had to have a Royal Commission into sexual abuse within the church and that alone debunks that theory. I have heard many heartbreaking stories of Christians who were trusting and wanted to believe the best of everyone in church and were taken advantage of in the most horrendous ways.
So if she’s supposed to go to his church and she’s not allowed to go online how are these two ever actually going to meet?
It's time to reexamine the rules
Sometimes we are so used to the “rules” we never actually question where they came from and whether that rule is of any benefit. I encourage you to take stock of any such “rules” at your church and really consider whether they have any place going forward.
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